johnacameron.com

Have you ever gotten out of bed completely down because you had to face something?  Maybe you knew that you were going to have an uncomfortable conversation with your boss or coworker.  Maybe your spouse was in a horrible mood and was taking it out on you.  Maybe it was something physical, like lower back pain.

And, it just brought you completely down.  When that happens with me, it’s almost always because of distorted thinking.  There are many forms of distorted thinking.

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The distorted thinking patterns that get me, when I let them, are filtering and polarized or black and white thinking. Filtering is seeing something, almost always, through a negative filter and filtering out any positives.

Black and white thinking, in my case, is that if something isn’t perfect then everything is BAD.

Example: My back is killing me today.  Instead of remembering that I am in superb shape,  with great muscular definition, fantastic cardio respiratory fitness, wonderful muscle mass and great strength and power, I focus on nerve pain in my sacrum.

Instead of focussing on the fact that I had no back pain for a month and am physiologically 20 years younger than my calendar age, I focus on something temporary and capricious-back pain.

Yes, admittedly, I sometimes do things that make my back hurt.  I will forget that I have a tendency toward nerve pain in my lower back, even though I have tremendous core fitness.  I will sit too long without changing positions, or get lazy about my posture or go for some kind of fitness record, and I will pay the price.  This is when back pain is a lesson in watchfulness and listening to my body.  And, sometimes, for no apparent reason, my back will just hurt.

Considering all the damage that has happened to my body and some congenital defects in my skeletal system, my fitness, after twenty years of disciplined effort, is still almost miraculous.

So a little thing like sciatic pain, is a small thing.  A painful small thing that makes me pissy. And, a small thing that, if I let it, can put a dark cloud on any day, no matter how sunny.

What kinds of little things are you letting ruin your wonderful life because things aren’t “perfect” or you’ve convinced yourself that some temporary thing is permanent? Have that painful conversation with your boss.  Once it’s over it’s over.  Know that your spouses mood will improve and you don’t have to own it. Just be there for them, just like they are for you when you have lower back pain.

Action Items/Activity Triggers 

1. Look up Distorted Thinking

2. When you are down, go down the list and see if you are letting one or two of these distorted thinking patterns ruin an otherwise wonderful life

3. Apologize to your co-workers and loved ones for having a few pissy days

4.  Forgive yourself.  After all, you can’t be perfect. That’s distorted thinking.

On my phone, I have an app that shows me the weather in twenty different cities.  I have the weather for where I live in Sacramento as well as weather in Bournemouth, England and Los Gatos, California and Florence, Italy.  I have weather for Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and Irkutsk, Russia, and Hong Kong,  Beijing and Shanghai, China.   I have weather for Paris and Nice in France and Quito in Ecuador.  I have weather for Denver, Colorado, Fargo, North Dakota and New York, New York.

Light Morning Mist on the American River in Sacramento

Why?  A few of the reasons are straightforward and obvious.  My daughter lives near Los Gatos, California.  My in-laws live in Bournemouth, England.  I have done business in Seattle, another place I have on my weather app as well as New York and Fargo.  I have thought about moving to Denver, fewer socialists than here in the land of entitlement-Sacramento, but very cold at night!  I lived in Northern Italy and the weather in Florence mimics where I used to live.  And, I didn’t see nearly enough of Florence and want to go back.

Irkutsk is close to Lake Baikal, one of the wonders of the world, and a place I want to go.  Paris has the Louvre, which I have never seen.  Some of these places on my list are where I have been and where I want to go, and some are where people near and dear to me live.  And, some of these places are there to remind me that what I can feel with the tip of my nose on a cold morning is not what others are feeling at exactly the same time.

There are mornings when I am walking the dog’s by the American River in Sacramento at six or seven in the morning and I think, “Darn! It’s cold!”  Then I look on my phone and see that it’s 11 below zero in Irkutsk and that’s at 11:00 PM the next day!  Imagine how cold it would be at six in the morning there?  And, on January 9, 2013, today, sunrise was around 7:23 AM.  At Lake Baikal, it was 10:06 AM!

Sometimes I will be in traffic in Sacramento and think “Man this is a pain!” Then I will think about what traffic must be like in Shanghai, China where there are 23 million people!  That is about fifteen times the population of the greater Sacramento area.

Why am I telling you this?  I am saying these things as a reminder to you, but mostly me, that the world is a big place and that my problems are usually very small.  I write to remind me that if I am too cold, I can travel to a warmer place.  If I want to completely change my world, I can simply go somewhere else.  And, I try to think about what life is like for other people in other places at exactly the same time that I am running by the river or going to sleep at night or having lunch.

The world is an amazing place full of variety and it’s all happening right now.  Now, throw in history and how fast we are learning and creating knowledge.  How can you ever be bored? There is so much to think about, so much to learn and so much to see, how can you ever really feel discontent?

So, the next time you think you are cold, think about Irkustk, Russia.  The next time you think-”Too many people!”-think about Shanghai.  The next time you think,“Too many people with an entitlement mentality!” think about Denver.

Things are different in other places and for other people.   And, on their best day, many of these people would trade their lot for yours in a microsecond.

Light Morning Mist on the American River in Sacramento

Question: Is the picture above made more or less beautiful or attractive because of the mist?  Most of you would probably say that the mist, or lack of clarity in the picture, makes it more attractive.  So, why do we think that life can only be joyful and effective when we have perfect clarity?  Why do we always have to see through the mist or wait for it to clear to act effectively?

People think they have to have a crystal clear  vision of the world to act.  Sometimes, most times, you won’t  get clarity and you still must act.

Guy Kawasaki said,

No one ever got rich planning for gold.

This is one of my favorite quotes.  I am not saying that planning is a bad thing.  Another of my favorite quotes is by Spike Lee,

I ain’t Martin Luther King.  I don’t need a dream. I’ve got a plan

Being planful and thoughtful, looking for information before you act, is a very good thing.  And, if you wait until you have perfect clarity, perfect information, or the perfect time, you are not a writer, or a speaker, or a boss, or a parent.   You are a waiter.  If you can make a little adjustment in your thinking, you will be able to act effectively despite the mist.  Maybe you can learn to act decisively because of the mist.  Sometimes the mist is beautiful like it was when I took the picture you see above.

The mist has a way of softening the harsh details of life.   If you are going to try something new and different, not being able to see every single barrier will make it easier to act, not harder.

If you have don’t have perfect clarity, you can be pleasantly surprised by new opportunities and new things.  Every plan you make will get changed along the way.  The simple, little adjustment I want you to make is to understand that you will have to make many adjustments in your life.  Your plans will never survive reality intact.

In short, enjoy the mist, when it burns off through effort or timing or luck, you will be well on your way to your goal.  Remember you can always change your plans along the way.

Enjoy the mist.

Breaks from work are necessary.  One of the best ways to clear your head and get centered is to take a break in nature.  I am fortunate enough to live right next to the American River in Sacramento, California.  The video you can see below was taken less than a quarter of a mile from my home.

This video below is my gift to you.  You can watch it any time you want.  You could listen to rippling water or watch the reflection of the foliage on the island on to the water.

Or, you could do both.  Feel free to copy this video for your own personal use.

American River Short Video Interlude with the Sound of Rippling Water

I am lucky to live so close to nature.  Many of you are closer to nature than you realize.   Most office blocks have an outdoor area.  Many hospitals have an atrium.   Sometimes you can simply leave your office and walk a block or two and find a park.  Or, you could walk outside and simply watch the life in landscaping around your building.

What about on the way to work?  Is it possible to leave a few minutes early for work and find a park to walk in or a nature area or garden?

What about on the way home?  Can you arrange to stop and walk by a pond or lake or creek or river.

Even if you can’t find a way to physically be in nature, you could visit via your computer while at work.  Or use your smartphone.   There a webcams all over the world transmitting wonders.

I just did a search and found a Yosemite falls webcam.  It took me three minutes to find the webcam .   The falls are dry now.  They won’t be dry all the time.

Sometimes just the sound of crashing surf or birds singing is enough to help you get out of your head.  In a future blog I will post a recording of a Mockingbird going through its repertoire.

Enjoy.

This picture is a piece cut from a weathered, fallen Live Oak with a pocket knife. The piece of wood sits on a table next to a wrist watch to show scale.

Why is this picture here?  I do many things in my life that need long, consistent effort.  Sometimes these efforts are small.  If they don’t happen, then some important things in life don’t happen.  Like brushing your teeth.  Two minutes.  How would your life be if you didn’t spend that two minutes?  Studies now show that brushing your teeth twice a day can reduce your risk of heart attack and stroke.  That’s two minutes twice.  How in the heck can that be true?

Back to the piece of wood.  Some of the things I do in my life require long, and sometimes seemingly pointless, effort.  I do many of these things almost as an act of faith.  I don’t know when they will bring me results.  Sometimes they don’t bring me the result I want.  Something always comes of effort.

This piece of wood is an example of this process.  As a lesson to myself I starting cutting this piece of wood with a pen knife while on my walks and runs by the American River in Sacramento, California.  I made exactly two cuts with a pen knife or folding knife on each side of the piece of wood each time I passed on my loop: no more and no less.  I used medium pressure.  Sometimes the knife was very sharp, other times simply not dull.

I didn’t know how long it would take to cut through this weathered, tough, old piece of live oak.  I am surprised that even the lightening that hit part of this tree and brought it down had any effect on it.  And, as tough as it was when it was alive, it became even stronger as it was cured by wind and sun and heat and cold.   It is no wonder that Live Oak used in ship hulls in the early 1800’s was superior technology.

I make marketing calls to future customers.  I work my abs four or five days a week. I send cover letters to agents for my novels.  I post articles on the web.  I read a book every two to three weeks to give my brain new information and to keep it limber.  This is the important part.  You never know when these small, consistent efforts are going to pay off.

I didn’t know if it would take four months, or six months or a year to cut through this weathered piece of fallen live oak.  As it turns out, it took eight months, give or take.  It was an unexpected result.  It didn’t look anywhere near ready to fall.  When I looked at it and judged my progress, I thought that it would be another few months.  It took four cuts a day, five or six days a week for eight months to cut a piece of wood with a pen knife.  That’s about 800 cuts.  That’s a lot of cuts.

Sure, I could have used an ax or a saw or stood there one day cutting until my hands blistered with effort and cut it through in a part of a day, but life isn’t like that.  A result filled life is a series of small cuts, applied over time in a disciplined manner.  And, sometimes, many times, you never know when it’s going to pay off.  Instead of not doing the small things over and over that add up, keep doing them.  Keep making the marketing calls, keep writing, keep working out, keep treating everyone with dignity and respect,  keep listening, keep trying new methods and tools. One day you will cut through.

Readers: I would love to hear of some of the small, consistent efforts you make and how they pay off.

I was running by the American River in Sacramento a few mornings ago.  I was running a little later than I usually do.  I had taken the dogs for a walk earlier walk while it was cooler.  They are loving the air-conditioner kind of dogs.

On the way out I saw geese and ducks and ground squirrels and enjoyed the mirror reflection of the trees on the water.  Running from bright sunlight to dappled shade and back to bright sunlight made a pleasant change.

On the way back I saw a cormorant drying its wings.  Cormorants feed by diving for fish.  After they dive in the water and swim around and catch fish they try to find a sunny spot to dry their wings so they can start the whole process again.

Below you will see a picture of the cormorant drying it’s wings.

Cormorants were used  by Japanese fisherman for years.  The fisherman would put a ring or snare around the cormorant’s neck so it couldn’t swallow the bigger fish.  The fisherman would take the big fish out of the cormorant’s throat when it came back to the boat. This process would happen over and over.

The fisherman would reward the cormorant by giving it bigger fish when the fisherman had enough of a catch.

Here are my two questions.  The first is how many of us forget to dry our wings?  That’s not the same thing as sharpening the saw.  Many of us forget that we have to do maintenance on ourselves.  You have a house and it occasionally needs paint.  If you don’t paint the exterior of the house every once in a while you get dry rot, weather damage, sun damage and the rest.

Why do we forget that we need to do upkeep on ourselves?  I lift weights as well as run.  There is a saying.  If you want to get big you have to lift big, eat big, sleep big and rest big.  If you want to get a big life you have to to the same.  Live big, sleep big and rest big.  Eat big is a relative thing.  Eating big on nutrients and fiber and protein, with enough calories to sustain you is big enough.

How many of your rest big on a regular basis?  How many of you dry your wings?  Maybe it’s time to dry your wings so you can dive into life and swim again.

My last question for the day is this.  How many of you are wearing a ring around your neck keeping you from enjoying the fruit of your labor, and why did you put it there and when are you going to take it off?